my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
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