I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
vagina is talking i cant
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
