my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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