I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
