PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
