On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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