Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
