You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
