Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
