I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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