i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Randomize