i love accidental penises.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
