I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
