1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Randomize
