they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
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