Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
