He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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