hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
did i walk over a car last night?
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Randomize
