Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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