there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
