I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
