in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Sext me about skeletons
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
