he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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