thus making me awesome and them whores
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
