I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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