Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
