Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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