We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
