They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
