I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
