They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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