Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
