First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
