PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Randomize
