Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
