He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
