I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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