I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
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