Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
how does that bad decision feel?
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