The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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