if you like me you must not know who I am
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
