Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
