I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
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Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Ladies don't puke and tell
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Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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