Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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