My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
