Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
the day after is always just damage control
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
