So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
