yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
