The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
