remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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