if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
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