so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
