Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Randomize
