god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
