I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
