Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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