The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
