Well apparently he's into motor boating.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
