dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
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