His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
