can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
