Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Randomize
