and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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