My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
