so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Randomize
