Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
