I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I'm eating all of the evidence.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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